Column of the Month!

As you may know I'm a writer and editor for my school paper. And one of the fringe benefits is that I get a column, and I can write whatever I want. So here you go.

Bye, Bye, American Pie
   People once said there’s no such thing as a free lunch. These people obviously didn’t live in the year 2009.
   No longer does the phrase “You get what you deserve” apply. Why should it? Our government will bail us out, regardless of how lazy, greedy, and unproductive we are. (They’ve proven that, lately.)
   I’m not exaggerating. The next proposed handout-- excuse me, Mortgage Relief plan-- will provide “relief” (free money) to the unemployed. However, the people working multiple jobs in order to just keep their house will get nothing.
   There are some rich people out there whom we all envy for what they have. Why should it matter if they’ve worked nonstop their entire lives in order to build their business from the ground up? They should have to share their profits, right? It’s not fair, is it? The single mother sitting at home collecting welfare checks for her four screaming children should have as much as those rich folk have, shouldn’t she?
   Or do you think maybe this woman could’ve made better choices in her life?
   Exhibit A: Nadya Suleman, a California woman, recently gave birth to octuplets conceived by in vitro fertilisation. Soon she will take the fatherless babies home to her parents’ three bedroom house where they will live off of government money with their other six siblings. It will be impossible for all fourteen of this woman’s children to receive adequate care, but Nadya is looking into buying a million dollar house with her welfare money.
     Exhibit B: Peggy Joseph, a Florida voter, is ready to enjoy the benefits of a government that will give her everything she wants: “I never thought this day would ever happen. I won’t have to work on putting gas in my car. I won’t have to work on paying my mortgage. You know. If I help him (referring to Obama), he’s gonna help me.”
   No comment.
   It’s sad to see laziness rewarded when such an overwhelming majority of people are suffering so much just to get by. Many of my coworkers at Sears are there because they can’t survive on income from their main job anymore. They work hours I can’t even imagine, when meanwhile some bum who’s “too good” to go flip burgers at McDonald’s is sitting at home, enjoying a beer and a joint paid for by our tax dollars.
   Of course there are special circumstances in which people require special assistance, like disability. I have no objection to that whatsoever. But when the only disability the recipient suffers is stupidity, I draw the line.
    I guess I don’t need to worry about going to college. The government’s got my back... right?