Thoughts on The Speech

"Violet! You're turning violet, Violet!" Sorry...that's all I could think of when Mrs. Messiah came in...

Nancy Pelosi looks like she's on crack. Wild-eyed, freakish woman.

Enter The Messiah. If it were raining, he'd drown...that haughty, nose in the air attitude of his really pisses me off. Jesse Jackson, Jr. didn't exactly look thrilled to see him...heh.

And the Great Orator speaks. Hillary looks bored to tears. Official introduction from Nazi Pelosi...more mechanical clapping...we're having some fun now.Kinda cheesy for Michelle to refuse to rise when recognized, isn't it? Thought there was protocol about these things...

He looks like crap. Dark circles under his eyes, coloring doesn't look right. We will recover, we will emerge stronger than before...ok, got the obligatory optimism out of the way. Gag...sounds like his typical campaign speeches...waiting for hope and change. We import more oil today than ever before...but I wouldn't dream of drilling for our own. Hypocritical ass...talking about spending too much...what a crock. Blaming bankers for doing what congress mandated they do.

Now is the time! We are the ones we've been waiting for! Remember Berlin? Instant replay.

Hyping the fabulous stimulus bill, and how saintly they were for passing it. And blaming everything on the horrors they inherited. Now we're saving or creating 3.5 million jobs...wasn't it 4 million last time? 95% of Americans will receive a tax cut....woo hoo! $13 a week! Biden, the amazing stimulus czar...we can trust Joe! Nobody does it like Joe! (Thank God!!)

The porkulus is just the first step...I'm going to spend MUCH more than that! We have to restart lending...flow of credit is lifeblood of economy, blah, blah, blah...we'll restart lending by stealing more of your tax dollars to guarantee more bad loans to more worthless people. And we're going to bail out the deadbeats and make you pay their bad mortgages. Full force of American government will be breathing down the necks of every bank in this country...that'll teach 'em! We're still going to bail 'em out, but we're going to be mean to them while we do it! We're going to remove all incentive to produce, take away all rewards for a job well done, destroy their very will to live! And, boy, is it gonna cost you!

We're not going to screw this up like Bush did. We're gonna solve the problem by redistributing your wealth! But don't worry, the economy will, slowly, recover in spite of us.

We're going to impose massive new regulations to completely strangle free enterprise.

I'm going to submit a new budget in a few days...but I don't think of it as a budget, but as a blueprint for socializing the nation. We will all have to sacrifice, because I can't possibly deal with all the problems out there and still accomplish my narrow agenda of screwing up your health care and further wrecking your kids' schools. I will be the great equalizer...we will all have nothing when I'm finished!

Oh, and don't forget energy. I'm gonna really mess that up, too. I'm gonna make it impossible for anyone in this country to afford to move. We're gonna use solar panels to change the world. We're going to spend uncountable fortunes on technologies that don't work. Wind, solar, biofuel, clean coal, and lots more CAFE standards.

Automakers...while we're doing everything in our power to make it impossible for you to do business, we'll be looking over your shoulder, and throwing billions of dollars at you.

Our healthcare industry sucks. They aren't doing anything right. Lucky for you, I know how to fix it. We've practically fixed it already, by providing SCHIP funds for middle class families who could have afforded it on their own, and we're insuring those older kids, too, the 30-somethings. We'll pay for it by being more efficient. Those computerized records will just clean the whole thing up. Let there be no doubt...I will destroy your healthcare system this year.

Now let's talk about education. We're going to grab your babies and begin their indoctrination at ever earlier ages. We will take your tax dollars to pay tuition for morons who don't want to be in college and will do nothing but party once they get there. We aren't going to let kids drop out of high school...because I said so. If you will become one of my brownshirts, I will pay your way. Parents, you suck. You aren't raising your kids right. Watch how Michelle and I are doing it...you'll catch on eventually.

Now, about that massive debt that I'm foisting off on those kids I want to educate...we're gonna fix that, too. Even thought we inherited this awful, terrible, unforgivable deficit...and everything in our entire country sucks really bad right now, we're gonna cut those deficits. We are gonna quit spending money on unnecessary things like the wars and national defense. We're gonna get rid of our nukes so that we'll be an easy mark for our enemies. We're going to tax the life out of business and those who have the ability to create jobs. I'm going to take their money and give it to the brothers in the 'hood. Medicare and Social Security are in my sights, too. I haven't figured out how to suck the life out of them yet, but I will.

I'm going to gets our troops out of Iraq, whether they're ready or not. And I'm going to make our allies take care of Afghanistan (yeah, right!). We just love the troops! But we're not going to let them finish the mission. I'm muttering a bunch of platitudes now, about how well I'm going to take care of the military, but I don't really mean any of it. If I did, I wouldn't be letting all those Gitmo bad guys go. And, oh, yeah, we don't torture like Bush did.

We're showing the world that a new era of spineless ignorance has come to America. We aren't going to be any less pushy than former administrations, we still want to tell everyone else how to run their countries. The difference is, when they tell us to stick it, we'll tuck our tails and whine.

The whole world is watching us right now. And they are seeing how weak and ineffective we are. We're going to ignore all the international crises in favor of our socialistic agenda. Hope! Change!

Let's talk about that little town in Kansas...you know, the one where 10,000 people died during the campaign? Well, they rock. And let's talk about old, crappy school buildings. The people who occupy them know how to ask for handouts....apparently they aren't as good as the Greensberg, KS folks, who are rebuilding their decimated town on their own.

More hope, more change. Don't forget, I won! Now, a final reminder of just how terrible everything is, and what a huge task I have before me trying to fix everything that's been done wrong these 233 years. Ok...that should keep 'em all on the hook for a few more months.